An alien from Mars exploring the Earth

Last Wednesday was the first day of the year. It was so beautiful. It was really one of the most beautiful day of my whole life. I woke up at 4 in the morning and then went to Son Tra mountain with a special friend of mine to catch the first sunrise of the year, and also the first sunrise of a new decade. It was really amazing when we took the first shower under a quick rain. Yeah, it was so much fun… We really saw a heavy rain coming right straight towards us! It was just like a quick shower in nature!

Last Wednesday was one of the best days in my whole life. I really felt connected to the person who was spending the day with me. And she is another alien from Jupiter!

I felt sorry that I took her to the restaurant I don’t like in the morning. I thought she would like it because she had always expected to try the dish that restaurant is famous for. When she said it was the worst dish that she had tried so far, I kept feeling guilty for the whole day, because I always want her to have the best experiences. Even when she said it was a good experience, I could’t stop feeling so guilty, because I didn’t like the restaurant either but I still took her there. She kept asking me why I brought her to the restaurant if I didn’t like it, and I kept feeling so sorry. Then she told me never take her to any place that I didn’t like, because then she usually wouldn’t like the place either. I promised to myself that I would never do that again.

Yesterday, on the first Tuesday of the year, I went to see Lady Buddha again and sat in front of the beach alone, trying to communicate with the universe as usual. Haha. It might sound like a weird habbit to many of you, but yeah, you’re not misreading, I always keep talking with the sky all the time… You know, there’re tons of silly thoughts running through my head and I can’t stop thinking about them, and there’s no one that I can really talk to about those things. People on Earth usually consider them as stupid things. Actually talking with the universe is really interesting. She never judges you whatever you say, and I never have to worry that my highly sensitive ways of thinking might impact negatively on someone’s feelings… Nobody knows me better than her, even I couldn’t really know myself…

Recently I keep thinking about T, a brave single mom that I know. She worked at the restaurant that I visit almost everyday. I will call her Pure Soul in my blog, since it is the meaning of her name. I really like her name, and the name also really suits her. I also like the way she talked about how free and peaceful she was about some parts of her life and how happy she was when she chose to live her current life. I could see happiness in her eyes. I really respect her and envy her, because she seems to find herself.

When Pure Soul asked me if I had a boyfriend, I couldn’t say a word. Many people ask me that question, and I can never honestly answer. Usually I just make some jokes. As I might have mentioned before, I have no real interest in anything or anyone, so that’s why. Nothing really attracts me. A lot of people around me doubt about my gender and even I sometimes self-doubt about it. I even searched about gender test a lot and found out I might be asexual somehow. And recently I met a girl who considers herself as monk, and then a thought came to my mind that maybe I could be a monk, too, if that was the way it was called. Now I think maybe I’m really an alien so I can’t fall for anyone from Earth.

Anyway, Pure Soul reminds me of myself one and a half year ago, when I first moved to this city… At that time, no one knew me before could really contact me for several months, for real. I changed my phone number, stopped using all of my social networking sites, and just escaped to this city, where nobody really knew me. Only my mom knew my new number and really knew where I was. After a half years of escaping, I realized my close friends had been so worried about me, so I let them know my new number and we contacted again. I’m so thankful that God sent me such great friends in my life, although I can’t really talk to them about my real thoughts, about how vulnerable I am…

Anyway, I was so stupid back then and now I still think I’m so stupid. At that time, I just thought I would find somewhere to start my life again. Actually still not many of my acquaintances back then really know where I am and what I’ve been doing. Even I don’t really know, how can they know? I’ve been escaping from something I haven’t really found out, and kept doing stupid things that I’m not sure I like them or not. I keep trying to experience new things, meet new people and do different things but I never really feel calm or peaceful. But anyway, I’m really grateful for my 2019, for all the amazing things I have experienced and for all the great people I have met. 2019 was one of the most happiest years that I had so far. During this year, there were many times I felt like truly enjoying my life and living consciously.

Meanwhile, for one and a half year, I’ve been always feeling so stuck with myself without realizing that, until one day, when a high school friend of mine came to this city last August and of course I showed her around. When we were talking about something, suddenly she just asked a simple question: ‘Have you really got over everything or are you just escaping from the fact that you’re never okay?’. I was just like being awaken from a long, long dream. And I started to feel startled. I never really talked to anyone about my real feelings about the real reason behind my leaving for the small city I’m currently living. How could she know? Otherwise, why did she ask me that question?

Maybe Pure Soul is feeling the same way as I did one and a half year ago. But I don’t know. She seemed really happy to head the new place where her boyfriend is waiting for her. I just started thinking about myself again when thinking about her. Although I might not know her well, I feel so worried about her and I truly wish her all the best things in this universe. I truly hope she will give birth to a healthy pretty girl and both of them will live happily for their whole lives. She might come back to this city but I’m not sure about me in the future. But I really wish to see her again. I really hope our paths will cross again in the near future…

Today was just the same as yesterday. At work, I couldn’t fit in with any conversation between my co-workers. They all kept talking about a lot of things that they seemed to really enjoy, but I just kept silence all the time. I couldn’t understand a word they said, and then I even couldn’t remember what they were talking about. I kept thinking about my own stuff, which was all the things people would probably consider stupid, as I might have mentioned before. Sometimes I really wish I were a normal person, not an alien, to understand what people think and talk, or how they feel and live…

Yesterday I asked my mom what if I wouldn’t go back home for the lunar new year holiday. I was so thankful that she didn’t ask me why, meanwhile I also felt a little bit disappointed because she didn’t ask. But if she asked, I would have to lie her anyway. Maybe she knew it already? Haha. Recently I’ve come to think that maybe the thing that I’ve escaping is my family. I love them, but it hurts my feelings somehow when I see them. I usually feel guilty and pity for them, and for myself…

Today I got a message from Anh, a truly good friend of mine in this city, who has been helping me a lot when I felt really depressed. Although I’m still not over it now, I feel really thankful that I met her last year. She asked me how was my new year going and I told her the truth that I was not feeling good. She’s a good friend so I don’t want to lie her. Though she’s usually busy and now she already has her partner, she always tries to reach out to help everyone. She’s a truly kind-hearted person and I really admire her. I really thank the universe for letting me meet that lady and be friend with her. I was really touched when she asked me if she could do anything to help me, although I’m not sure if she can help me. The problem is inside my own head and I know only I can fix it.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a truly lonely alien on this Earth but I really hate the word ‘lonely’…