I’ve been feeling so empty for such a long time. Everyday I really want to cry so badly but the tears just never come out.
I’ve been not able to cry for so long, even when I felt so terrible that I thought I could die and go to hell. Sometimes I felt there were so many tears inside myself and I was just waiting for them to come out of my eyes but it never happened. I just kept crying inside my heart without tears so many times I couldn’t count.
I think maybe it’s because I cried so much and so many times in the past. So now I just can’t cry anymore, because I’ve cried too much, and everyone and even I kept telling myself to be strong instead of being so vulnerable all the time. I think the last time I really cried maybe around 2 or 3 years when I was still staying with my brother in the big city I already left. It was such a hard time for me living with him.
It used to be very stressful for me to spend time with my family. Now it’s better but sometimes it still hurts when we’re together. But I do love them very much and I believe they also love me, too…
Anyway, even though now I’m still so emotional and vulnerable, it’s really not easy for me to cry at all. I think I really need some. I think I’ve been too hard on myself. I don’t want to be dead inside. I want to be truly living.
If only I could just burst into tears and let go all of my bad memories and emptiness…
An alien from Mars exploring the Earth 